Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
