either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
