I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
