idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
