I just saw a hot homeless man
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
