ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
