Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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