I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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