Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
