Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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