So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
