I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
