is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want her autograph on my taint
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
