I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
