You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
