Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
