guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
