Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
