ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
