yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
