im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
