Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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