When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
