home. puking in laundry basket.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
