Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
