we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
