we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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