He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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