let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
