I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Bring me that man meat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
that may or may not have been my penis.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
