i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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