i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
