Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
