Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
