Your mouth is God's brothel.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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