there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
