You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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