...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
