Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
