I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is this like a preordered booty call?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
