Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
