I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
