just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
