dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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