It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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