i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
