Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
