Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
