Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
