I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
