Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
