I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
