woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
