yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
