if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
