Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My first STD was from a foam party
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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