im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
